by Lynnell Mickelsen

Yes, according to this front-page story in today's New York Times.

"Evangelicals Fear the Loss of Their Teenagers" screamed the headline. "Despite their packed megachurches, their political clout and their increasing visibility on the national stage, evangelical Christian leaders are warning one another that their teenagers are abandoning the faith in droves, " the story began. "Their alarm has been stoked by a highly suspect claim that if current trends continue, only 4 percent of teenagers will be "Bible-believing Christians" as adults. That would be a sharp decline compared with 35 percent of the current generation of baby boomers, and before that, 65 percent of the World War II generation."

Yeah, I know. A lot of you probably took great hope in all this. So I'm sorry to say that, as a former evangelical, this NYT story strikes me as a brilliant hoax and marketing ploy.I graduated from Wheaton College, a conservative Christian school outside of Chicago and alma mater of that recent paragon of morality, Denny Hastert. I left the reservation a long time ago and joined the Episcopalians. But I still follow my old tribe which is why I immediately had doubts about this story.

For starters, the four percent figure is total bullshit. Even the Times calls it "high suspect" and way down at the end of the story, quotes researchers who dispute whether there really is an evangelical "youth drain."

So as a news story goes, this has all the hallmarks of a fake crisis. But as a marketing tool, it's a major triumph. Especially for Ron Luce, the main character in the NYT story. Look at the story more closely. He's a Harvard MBA who has been staging stadium extravaganzas for evangelical youth for 15 years. He says he's attracted more than two million "or more than Paul McCartney

I guessing that Ron Luce's numbers may have been sagging a bit. The economy isn't going that great for the middle-class, which means church offering could be going down, hence less money available from churches and youth organizations to fund Mr. Luce's shows. Or to invest in his products.

So what do you do? Well, hell, what did Harold Hill do in the "Music Man." Come on, folks, Sing it with me.

"Friends, either you're closing your eyes
To a situation you do now wish to acknowledge
Or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated by the presence of (fill in blank here--gays, rap, Harry Potter, evagenlicals teenagers leaving their faith in droves) in your community....

"Well, Ya got trouble, my friend, right here,
I say, trouble right here in River City....

So you come up with some bullshit story about vague trends that, if they continue, will mean that only "4 percent of teenagers will be "Bible-believing Christians" as adults."

Never mind that the figure is "highly suspect" and no one really knows where it came from or, for that matter, who decides which Christians are going to be "Bible-believing" and which Christians aren't. It doesn't matter. What matters is creating a "crisis" because fear sells, a key point in the business plan for cable news or any other mass/ entertainment media.

Evangelicals love crises. They love feeling like victims, under siege from a hostile culture. They're also terrified of sexuality and rebellion in general. So the perfect storm is "their teenagers abandoning the faith in droves."

Or as Harold Hill put it:

"And all week long your River City
Youth'll be frittern away,
I say your young men'll be frittern!
Frittern away their noontime, suppertime, choretime too!
Get the ball in the pocket,
Never mind gittin' Dandelions pulled
Or the screen door patched or the beefsteak pounded.
Never mind pumpin' any water
'Til your parents are caught with the Cistern empty
On a Saturday night and that's trouble."

Anyhow, I guarantee you that New York Times story is being reprinted en masse and shipped to various parents, churches and megachurches, telling them of the terrible crisis and why now it's more important than ever to invest in Ron Luce's "Acquire the Fire" show. Or buy the new Christian interactive "Left Behind" video game. Or book the latest Christian film or concert.

Because---looky here, it says so right here in the New York Times-- our evangelical youth are being lost in droves! And so they're going to need a lot more Christian products and services and media entertainment to keep them safe and with the tribe.

It will also be copied en masse and used by private Christian schools to let parents know that there's a crisis of faith among our youth. Now more than ever, it's important to pay $8,000 and up in tuition to keep your kids safe and following the Lord.

Because let me tell you folks, with evangelicals, it's all about sales. It's a huge business.

And that's the real story behind the New York Times headline. Ron Luce is laughing all the way to the bank.