Letters to Dear Crabby

December 01, 2006 by barbara

Dear Crabby:

Recently, Jim Webb (senator-elect from Virginia) was at a White House reception, hosted by the First Snark. Recognizing that propinquity would almost certainly generate sparks, Webb tried to steer clear of the sneer. But as luck would have it, his path intersected with that of George W. Bush. You know the one? The man whose personal war has been a death sentence for American military personnel and a hundred thousand others, give or take? Read on.

Though I was not there, I can imagine the petulant tone when the First Patronizer asked Webb about his son (who is serving in the hell-hole that is Iraq), "How's your boy?"

Here is my question. What is an appropriate response to the president of the United States in a situation like this?

Sincerely,
Flummoxed

Dear Flummoxed:

How about this for starters?

"Excuse me? How's my BOY??? With all due respect, sir (and that respect is subject to serious debate), my BOY is a Marine in Iraq, doing a real man's job in your war. I know you have no experience with this, but try to use your fertile imagination. And by the way? It is possible my BOY may end up dying in your war. I do not appreciate your tone and frankly, sir, I do not appreciate you or your war. In the immortal words of Dick Cheney, go bleep yourself. Sir."

Dear Crabby:

These are some of the things I said about Jim Webb in my erudite WaPo column" yesterday. I hope you caught it. I was at my prickly best.

At issue was Mr. Webb's refusal to discuss his boy's well-being or lack thereof.

Well.

I labeled Mr. Webb a pompous poseur and a boor. I accused him of calculated rudeness. I implied that he is consumed with admiration of his new grandeur as a "leader" (please note how dismissive one can be by the simple act of inserting quotation marks). I said that he was patently disrespectful of the presidency. And for the coup de grace, I whacked him upside the metaphorical head with the Oxford English Dictionary.

Now I am getting a lot of heat from the Liberalati about my commentary. And I want to know whassup with this.

In all humility,
George Will

Dear George Will:

Here are today's vocab words for your consideration. Arrogant. Patronizing. Insensitive. Inaccurate. Pissy. Anal. And my personal favorite? Vituperative. Look it up. And then go bleep yourself.

(NOTE: Do not be messing with Dear Crabby today, sweeties.)

Posted in

Barbara's Blog

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