by barbara
I was devastated when Bill Watterson shut down "Calvin and Hobbes." C&H was much more than comic page fodder. It was a wonderfully snarky slice o'life, viewed through the eyes of Calvin (a wild child with attitude) and Hobbes (his omnipresent stuffed tiger). Remember these two? Read more.
One of my favorite recurring gigs was when Calvin and Hobbes played Calvinball. Calvin would spew all the complex rules of the game. For example, in order to score against your opponent, you had to run a Z-pattern, alternately touching each sideline as you moved toward the end zone. You had to whistle "Dixie" all the while, and cross the goal line backwards in mid-air.
Hobbes was game for whatever Calvin suggested. And he was ever-faithful to the rules. When he crossed the goal line in the prescribed fashion, Calvin was apt to cry out something like, "No goal! Doesn't count! You didn't have your eyes closed and your fingers crossed!"
"Tigers don't have fingers," Hobbes might say patiently.
"Doesn't matter!" Calvin would say, cackling maniacally. "I win! I win!"
That was the beauty of Calvinball, you see. The convoluted rules were never completely spelled out. Therefore, it was impossible for Hobbes to win. But because he was a plucky tiger and a faithful companion, he kept plugging away at it in order to stay on Calvin's good side. (sigh)
Which, of course, brings me to George Bush and company.
It seems that The Great Decider's war game is not going very well. And so he is thinking (?) about changing the rules of engagement. He has summoned his minions to Crawford, presumably to figure out how to extricate themselves (and possibly this nation) from the volatile mess they have generated in Iraq'"one mess among many, by the way. I say "presumably" because the White House declares this to be a "non-decisional" gathering. Deputy press secretary Scott Stanzel said "(Bush) understands that the American people are, rightfully, very concerned about what is going on in Iraq '" as is the president." He said that The Decider is weighing his options before he decides.
Bill Clinton's chief of staff, John Podesta, said, "I would be surprised if people walked out of the room still completely confused as to the direction he wants to go in. If they do, that's yet another bad sign that we're completely adrift."
See, that's classic Calvinball! Even as new rules are being cooked up, keep playing the game. It's not one for the comics, though. People are being maimed and dying for real and forever. We're talking shattered bodies and families utterly destroyed. Iraqis. Americans. Maybe others as well. Collateral damage. A worthy investment, according to Condoleeza Rice, in a masterful Calvinball observation after the fact.
So. George makes up new rules. New slogans. Surge. Surge. Kill more people, faster. Surge. And then what?
"Close your eyes and cross your fingers!"
Yeah, pretty much.
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